


When the night has been too lonely, and the road has been too long

by thegirl20



Category: The Witcher (TV)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-29
Updated: 2020-11-30
Packaged: 2021-03-08 17:22:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,342
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27270382
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegirl20/pseuds/thegirl20
Summary: When Tissaia wakes up after Sodden, she's not alone.
Relationships: Tissaia de Vries/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Comments: 101
Kudos: 224





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [mindmypensieve](https://archiveofourown.org/users/mindmypensieve/gifts).



Tissaia edges towards consciousness, various aches and pains making themselves known to her as she becomes aware of different parts of her body. Memories flash in and out as her mind clears.

The battle. The losses. Friends and peers falling, never to rise again.

Along with the pain, there's an absence, she comes to realise. A void so deep within her that it is quite startling. The constant thrum of chaos she has lived with for centuries is no longer there.

Fringilla. Dimeritium. Pain filling her lungs and twisting out into her blood.

Panic floods her system, tightening sore muscles, making them scream with effort. From pure habit, she seeks to call her chaos to defend herself, but only a flicker of it obeys. She settles a little; at least there is _something_ there. Pitiful though it is for now. That can be worked with.

She remembers falling to her knees, watching Fringilla walk away. After that, the world began to spin before her eyes and she must have passed out, for the next thing she knew, she had Yennefer's voice in her head - _Tissaia, I need you_ \- and she had forced herself to her feet, stumbling back to the ruins and finding Yennefer. Telling her to let her chaos explode.

And explode it had. Tissaia had fully expected to die in the onslaught. She had made her peace with it. In some ways, she almost welcomed it. So when she faced Yennefer on that hill, she was facing her own mortality; determined to do so on her feet and with her eyes open and pride in her heart.

Fire. Heat. And then, safety.

Yennefer had protected her, cocooned her from the flames and kept her safe. She had watched in awe as her most difficult, most magnificent student laid waste to an army, all the while maintaining the bubble of safety for Tissaia. The sheer power, the unfathomable control it must have taken. It was staggering.

And then she was gone. The fire died down, and Tissaia searched and searched, but there was no sign of Yennefer anywhere. She had simply disappeared.

' _About time you woke up. I've been waiting.'_

The voice is unmistakable and it sends hope ricocheting around her chest, her heart thumping wildly.

"Yennefer?" She tries to open her eyes as a hand takes her own and holds it tightly.

"Tissaia?"

She frowns. That's not Yennefer's voice.

' _Well done. I'm glad that after almost six decades you can tell Sabrina and I apart.'_

Had she spoken aloud? Did Yennefer read her thoughts? Forcing her eyes to open and focus on the face looking down at her, she blinks until it clears.

"Sabrina?"

Sabrina gives her a sad smile. Her face is wan but she is clearly not fresh from the battlefield. Some time must have passed since Yennefer's performance, which might explain why she seems to be up and about and giving Tissaia cheek already. She looks around the room, trying to see past Sabrina as best she can.

"Where's Yennefer?"

Sabrina turns and looks behind herself, Tissaia follows her gaze, expecting to see Yennefer standing there, but her eyes land on Triss. Her neck is bandaged and as she draws closer, the acrid smell of burning flesh assaults Tissaia's nose. Triss sits on the edge of her bed when Sabrina moves away, and takes her hand, squeezing it. There are tears in her eyes and Tissaia's stomach lurches for whatever news is about to be broken.

"She's gone, Tissaia," Triss says. "Yennefer, she's...she's gone."

' _No, I'm not_.'

"No, she isn't," Tissaia insists, trying to see past Triss. "She's in this room. I can hear her speak. Stop this ridiculous charade at once and let me see her. Yennefer! Come out from wherever you are hiding this instant!"

Triss exchanges a look with Sabrina that Tissaia doesn't like one bit. She struggles to sit up and urges Triss to move to the side to reveal an empty room. They're in Aretuza, in Tissaia's own bedchamber.

"Wh-what happened?" Tissaia asks. "How did we get here? And where is Yennefer?"

"She's dead, Tissaia," Sabrina says, perching near the foot of the bed. She's never been one to euphemise. "We found you both on the battlefield. She was draped over your body like she was protecting you. But-" She shakes her head. "It was too late for her. She's dead."

' _I'm not dead, Tissaia. I'm here with you. I don't know how, or why, but I'm_ not _dead. And you need to get me back to my body before these idiots bury it or burn it or whatever the fuck they're planning to do with it.'_

It's inside her own head, she realises. The voice, it's not coming from the room, but inside her head.

' _Yes, that's right. As I just told you, I'm here, in your head, and you need to get me out.'_

She leans forward, holding her head in her hands. Triss' hand gently rubs her back

"I'm going mad," she whispers, rocking herself. "I've gone mad."

' _You've always been mad, you ridiculous old bag. But I can assure you this isn't insanity. I am here with you. Somehow.'_

"And how is that not insanity?" she asks, realising too late that she's spoken out loud in response to an imaginary voice.

"What?" Sabrina frowns, glancing at Triss. "What do you mean?"

"Nothing." Tissaia sits up. "I need to see her."

' _Yes! Yes. Good. That's what we need to do. Find my body.'_

Perhaps if she sees Yennefer's dead body, her mind will believe this turn of events to be true. She had searched that hill, she never saw hide nor hair of Yennefer, and now suddenly she is to believe that they were found together? And that Yennefer is _dead_? She needs proof of that, and then her head will accept it.

"Tissaia," Triss begins, shaking her head. "You need to _rest_."

"No, I'll not rest until I've seen her." She holds her arm out to Sabrina. "Take me to her."

"That's-" Sabrina sighs and waves away Triss's protest. "Fine. If that's what you need."

Sabrina conjures a portal and helps Tissaia to her feet, allowing her to lean on her as she puts on a pair of slippers and a dressing gown. They step through together, arriving in what looks like the wine cellar beneath Aretuza's kitchens. The smell of death permeates the air, hanging heavy over them.

"A mortuary?" Tissaia asks, unable to look away from the horrific rows of tables, each with a sheet covered lump on it.

"Temporary," Sabrina says, as she leads Tissaia between the silent rows. "Just until we can arrange the funerals."

They stop in front of a table in the corner. Triss sniffs behind them, and lets out a sob, but Tissaia's attention is fixed on what's in front of her.

' _I'm the shapeliest corpse, at least.'_

"Yennefer," Tissaia scolds, without thinking.

"It's her," Sabrina says. "I promise, it's her. You don't need to look."

Tissaia ignores this advice and grasps the edge of the sheet, pulling it away to reveal Yennefer's body. And it _is_ her. Her dress is singed and tattered, a large bloodstain covering her abdomen. Her face has been cleaned, but still shows the marks of the battle. Her hair, once so lustrous and shiny is knotted and dull. Tissaia takes a step forward, letting go of Sabrina's supportive arm.

' _Shit. That dress was definitely a mistake.'_

"Stop it," Tissaia says. "You're dead."

"Tissaia-"

' _I'm not. I told you. You need to fix me.'_

"Hush!" Tissaia says, unsure whether she's speaking to Sabrina or to Yennefer at this point. She walks forward, needing to convince herself. She reaches out, tentative fingers come into contact with the skin of Yennefer's cheek. It's cold, shockingly so, and waxy. The muscles hang loose over bone, taking away all expression and life from a face once so animated. Yennefer is no longer there. This is a mere shell that once contained her.

' _That's what I've been saying! I'm not in there, and you need to put me_ back _in there before it rots. I didn't go through seven levels of hell to get that body only for bits of it to start dropping off.'_

"Enough!" Tissaia's voice reverberates around the room. She feels Sabrina and Triss approach. "Leave me. Please. I'd like a moment alone with her."

"I'm not sure that's-" Triss begins.

"Fine," Sabrina interrupts. "But just a moment. You need rest." She glances at Triss. "We all do."

She waits until their footsteps have faded before returning her attention to the body. Her shaking fingers stroke a lifeless cheek. She must imprint this image on her brain. She must accept that Yennefer is gone.

"I'm sorry," Tissaia whispers, pushing Yennefer's hair from her brow. "I'm so sorry. This is my fault. It should be me lying there."

' _What good would that do? I'd be fucking useless in this situation. No, it's best this way. At least you might be able to do something.'_

"I can hear your voice in my head," she tells the body. "I know it is my guilt and grief manifesting-" She lets out a short, wet laugh. "-but it is really quite lifelike."

' _Because it_ is _me, you idiot!'_

"Even now, in my own addled brain, you are as insolent as ever," Tissaia says, with a rueful smile, running her thumb over Yennefer's eyebrow. "I wouldn't have you any other way."

' _Oh really? That's a first.'_

"Oh Yennefer," Tissaia says. She leans in and presses a kiss to the cold forehead.

' _Well. This is also new.'_

Tissaia shakes her head, looking down at Yennefer's closed eyelids and wishing she could see her eyes once more. Those vibrant, mischievous eyes like no others she has ever encountered.

"If I could change places with you I would. If I could go back and not ask you to come, not ask you to release your chaos, I would." She sobs. "But I cannot."

' _No, you can't do that. But what you_ can _do is find out how to get me back into my body.'_

Squeezing her eyes closed, Tissaia attempts to force herself to stop hearing Yennefer's voice. If it's not bad enough that she's looking down upon her dead body, she's listening to some phantom imitation of her as well.

' _You're listening to the real thing, I promise you. Please, you must believe me. What can I say that will convince you?'_

"Nothing," Tissaia finally answers the voice in her head. "You are dead. I have the evidence of that in front of me. You are-" Her voice catches. "-gone."

' _You're a fucking mage. And you're ancient! You've seen all sorts of things. Surely this can't be the oddest thing that has happened to you in your centuries on this Continent.'_

"A dead person communicating with me?" Tissaia scoffs. "Yes, it would be, actually. For that is impossible."

' _Anything is possible with magic, Tissaia. It's just about give and take. You taught me that. Well, what I did at Sodden apparently took my body. But not my mind or my...my consciousness. I'm still here, with you.'_

"And why would you be with me?" Tissaia asks, aware that she's having this conversation with herself. "Why, of all people, would you choose to be with me?"

' _It wasn't exactly a choice, as far as I can tell. I don't know how it happened. Maybe you were the closest living person? Triss said they found us on the battlefield together. Perhaps one of us cast a spell that allowed this to happen.'_

"I'm without my magic," Tissaia says. "And you _must_ have been spent. Neither of us would have had the strength something like this would require."

'' _Something like this?' So you believe me? You've heard of this kind of thing before?'_

"No, I don't believe you," Tissaia snaps. "I believe that my grief is causing me to have some sort of episode where I am not of sound mind."

' _That's some level of grief. I didn't know you cared as much.'_

"No? Then that is my fault entirely," Tissaia says, stroking Yennefer's cheek, her eyes stinging anew with tears. "For I care deeply for you. More than I have for anyone in my life."

There's a long silence and Tissaia thinks perhaps that saying out loud what she'd kept inside so long had finally broken the delirium and quietened the Yennefer in her head. She is soon divested of that notion.

' _So, when you say you_ care _for me, do you mean-'_

"You know what I mean! You are me, I am you. I am imagining this and have, for some reason, decided to torture myself with questions I know the answer to." Tissaia sighs. "I will say to you in death what I never got to say to you in life. What I never allowed myself to say." Pressing her lips together and sniffing, Tissaia takes Yennefer's cold, unresponsive hand into her own. "I love you, Yennefer. I love you deeply and truly. And I will go to my grave regretting that I couldn't tell you, couldn't save you."

She is overcome with tears once more, deep, aching sobs wrack her chest and she lets her head fall onto Yennefer's chest. The merest hint of lilac and gooseberries still permeates the stench of fire and death. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." She whispers it over and over into Yennefer's dress, squeezing her hand.

Something happens inside her head. The lightest brush of something against her mind, soothing her pain. She frowns and sits up.

' _Well, fuck. I never expected you to say any of that.'_

Tissaia closes her eyes and sighs. "Please, leave me be. Please stop torturing me and let me grieve for her in peace."

' _I would, I swear. But while it does thrill me quite a lot that you're this distressed about my passing, I_ do _feel like there's something of a time restriction on this situation.'_

"Oh? So it will be over soon, then?" Tissaia asks. "Good."

' _Look, for what it's worth, you're not the only one to have those feelings, okay? I feel the same way about you. And if you just fucking get me back into my body we could-'_

"No. No!" She stands, now, backing away from Yennefer's body. "This is unacceptable. You will _not_ put words into her mouth to serve your own ends. You will honour her in death as you should have in life, and you will let her rest."

' _No, listen, it is me! I promise. I feel that way about you! Please you have to-'_

"Tissaia?"

She turns, finding Sabrina and Triss approaching, tentatively. They must have heard her shouting. She sincerely hopes they didn't hear what she was saying.

' _You're going to have to tell them. We'll need their help, since your magic isn't working properly.'_

Tissaia frowns. She absolutely will not be telling anyone about this. She plans to lock herself in her room until the voice goes away or she goes completely mad, whichever comes first.

' _You have to tell them! We need them to help us hide my body at the very least. You're far too small to lug it by yourself.'_

Tissaia closes her eyes and tries with all her might to clear her mind and push away the voice. Gentle hands take hold of her arm and start to lead her away.

"Wait," she says, turning back to look at Yennefer's body a final time. "Can one of you cover her up?"

"Oh, of course," Triss gathers up the sheet that Tissaia had discarded earlier.

' _No! Tissaia. Please. Please don't leave me here like this. Please help me.'_

The voice is so plaintive, so real, that doubt strikes her, and she turns to Sabrina. "I- I would be grateful, in the absence of my own magic, if you would cast a preservation spell on Yennefer's body." She sighs. "I doubt we are in a position to hold any services soon, and I would not want-"

"I'll do it," Sabrina says. "You don't have to explain." She lowers her eyes. "I'll do it for all of them."

' _Always the show-off, eh Sabrina?'_

"Very well," Tissaia says. "I'm very tired now. I should like to return to my bedchamber."

Sabrina nods and conjures a portal. Triss moves to step through, but Tissaia catches her arm. "I'd like to be alone, if you don't mind."

"Are you sure?" Triss asks. "We still don't know much about how the dimeritium has affected you and-"

"I'm sure," Tissaia tells her. "There will be time for all that. For now, I need to spend some time on my own, in silent contemplation."

With a final nod to both women, she steps into her bedchamber, grateful to be away from the smell of death and the cold that had been seeping into her bones.

' _Thank you for doing that. For believing me even just a little.'_

"I don't," Tissaia sighs. "I just-"

' _You're just not entirely certain, are you? Something's telling you that it_ is _me. That you've not gone insane.'_

"Which is more worrying than thinking that I _am_ mad, to be honest," Tissaia says, with a rueful smile. "I must be far gone indeed for this to start sounding plausible." She sits on the bed and closes her eyes. "My affection for you means I want to cling to the possibility that this is true. But, deep down, I do know that I am conversing with myself at the moment. That my mind has created you to- to give me some way of coping with a world where you are dead."

' _Listen, these compliments are really going to my head, and I would like to hear many more of them, but we really need to focus on the task at hand, here. I need you to believe me, then I need you to get my body, and then we need to figure out how to get me back into it.'_

"Yennefer," Tissaia says, then rolls her eyes at herself. "I am not doing any of that."

' _What will it take for you to believe me? What can I do to show you it's really me?'_

"I have no idea," Tissaia says, her chest aching with the desire for this to be true, for it not to just be some figment of her imagination.

' _Oh! I know! I could tell you something that you couldn't possibly know. Something only I know.'_

"Which I could have invented," Tissaia reasons.

' _Unless someone else could verify it. A piece of information you couldn't possibly know, that me and someone else would know. Would that convince you?'_

Tissaia frowns. It's a very odd sensation, to be having a conversation with herself, trying to convince herself of something. "I still think there's room for interp-"

' _Would it at least make you dig a little deeper?'_

Tissaia thinks for a moment. If the voice in her head can come up with a piece of information that's wholly unfamiliar to her, which is then corroborated by an external source, that would mean something. She inhales slowly, feeling the burn in her lungs from the dimeritium.

"Yes. If you can supply such a piece of evidence, then I shall have to investigate further."

She allows herself the tiniest spark of hope. That this smart-mouthed, cheeky voice in her head _is_ actually Yennefer. As suddenly as the hope springs, cold dread pools in her stomach as she thinks of the things she's said, the things she's thought, while Yennefer's consciousness, or spirit, or whatever it is has been around. Thoughts she's never vocalised to anyone.

' _Yeah, we'll definitely be dealing with those thoughts once I'm back in my body.'_

Blood rushes to Tissaia's cheeks in such volume, that she's sure they must be purple.

"I- that's- I never-"

' _It's fine, Tissaia. In fact, it's much better than fine. I told you I felt the same way, didn't I? Now let's just focus on getting me back where I belong, then we can concentrate on all the pleasant things that might follow.'_ A pause. ' _Please don't be embarrassed about what you said or thought.'_

Tissaia sighs and lets her head fall back on her shoulders so she's looking at the ceiling. "If it _is_ really you, then I shall likely be too overjoyed to be embarrassed. And if it's not, then I have not revealed myself to anyone."

' _Overjoyed? Now_ that _I cannot wait to see. I think I've seen you smile twice in my life.'_

The edges of Tissaia's lips twitch at the remark and she feels a warm hint of amusement in return.

"Well then, now you must come up with some piece of information, and someone who can spontaneously answer a question about it." She clears her throat. "And, if possible, I would like it not to be Triss or Sabrina. I've already acted erratically in front of them and would prefer not to involve them further unless necessary."

' _Fine. I'm just trying to think who might- Oh! Giltine! Is he still around?'_

"Yes, of course," Tissaia says. "Why?"

' _He was the only one there when I ascended. Did you speak to him of it at all?'_

"I severely reprimanded him for undertaking an enchantment without my authority or presence," Tissaia says, now wholly aware that she is conversing with Yennefer like she is actually there.

' _I_ am _here. I keep telling you as much. But anyway, did you go into any detail with him about the procedure, or-'_

"No. I rebuked him, and left it at that." Tissaia rolls her eyes. "The idiot was very proud of himself. And I could not fault him for being so, having seen the results myself."

' _Had I a body, I might be swooning right now, Rectoress. But I believe this will work. There are things I have no doubt he will remember from that day.'_

Tissaia stands. "Then let us not waste any time. We must go and find Giltine and get this over with so that I can wallow in my grief and madness."

' _Should you not put some clothes on first? Not that I am opposed to you staying in your nightclothes, but I have no desire for Giltine to be privy to such a sight.'_

Looking down at herself, Tissaia realises that Yennefer is right. Or she herself is right, one or the other.

"Very well, please give me a moment to-" She stops, realising that if Yennefer truly is inside her, then she cannot leave in order to give Tissaia privacy.

' _No, I can't leave. But...it's strange. I don't_ think _I'll get to see anything? Because I have no eyes or body or...anything, really. I'm just...here. So you needn't worry about me ogling you, Rectoress. Not yet, at least.'_

Again, Tissaia's cheeks flush, but she huffs and moves to her wardrobe, changing into the least complicated dress she can lay her hands on. She finds her arms tire quickly as she fastens the bodice, and that her whole body aches by the time she is bending to put on her boots. The exertion makes her breathe faster, which in turn hurts her lungs.

' _Sit a while. Catch your breath. There's no point in you making yourself ill. What good would you be to me then?'_

Tissaia is about to protest, when she is turned around and made to sit down on the bed. She grips the blankets in fright at the strange sensation.

"Did- did you just _make_ me sit down?"

' _I- I'm not sure. I was thinking about how I wished I could force you to do what you were told for once, and that happened. I'm sorry. I didn't mean-'_

"To take over control of my body?" Tissaia asks, the tiny spark of hope flaring into something larger. She had not imagined that, she's sure of it.

' _You believe me! I can sense it.'_

"I am-" She pauses, weighing up her next words carefully. "-becoming more open to the possibility."

Another foreign sensation ripples through Tissaia. Her body feels lighter, like a weight has been lifted. She realises that Yennefer is feeling relief.

"I'm sorry, Yennefer," she whispers. "I'm sorry that I need this proof. But you must understand how ridiculous this is."

' _Oh, I know how ridiculous it is. And I am grateful that you're willing to entertain even the possibility of...this.'_

"Let us go, then," Tissaia says, with a nod.

She heads out of her apartments and makes her way to Giltine's workroom. She finds the enchanter at his desk, sketching, and she clears her throat and he jumps, spilling his ink pot. He curses and turns to see who has interrupted him. She lifts an eyebrow and he stands, bowing his head slightly.

"Rectoress, it's good to see you up and about." He clears his throat. "I'd heard you'd been injured at the Battle of Sodden."

' _The gossips still work quickly in this place, I see.'_

"Well, as you can see, I am perfectly healthy," Tissaia says, although she suspects that he might be able to detect the lack of her magic. If he can, he says nothing of it. "Now, I would like to speak to you about another matter."

"Oh?" He tilts his head. "And what would that be?"

"Yennefer of Vengerberg," Tissaia says, watching his face.

"Ah, yes," he nods. "I'd heard she was among the fallen. I am very sorry, I know you were particularly fond of-"

"Never mind that," Tissaia says, she can already feel Yennefer preening in her head. "I need to speak to you about the day she came to you and asked you to perform the enchantment."

"Asked," Giltine laughs. "I don't remember it being a request."

' _That's fair. It was more of a command. At first he said the Brotherhood would have his head if he did it without their knowledge. And I asked him if they already had his cock.'_

Tissaia briefly closes her eyes. "Of course you did," she mutters.

"Rectoress?" Giltine asks, confused.

"When Yennefer demanded you perform the enchantment, you told her that the Brotherhood would have your head, yes?" Tissaia presses.

He shifts, uncomfortable, but nods. "I did."

"And then what did she ask you? After you said that?"

His cheeks colour and his eyes flit away. "Rectoress, I would-"

"I am no blushing virgin, Giltine," Tissaia tells him. "I shall not faint upon hearing you utter a profanity." She takes a step towards him. "Tell me, precisely, what she said to you in return."

He sighs, lifting his eyes to the ceiling. "She asked if they already had my cock."

She's not sure if the elation she feels is her own, or Yennefer's. For surely now she can be secure in the knowledge that she is not mad. Yennefer is alive, somehow, and trapped within her own body.

' _I told you!'_

She smiles at Giltine and grasps his arm, squeezing it. "Thank you." And with that, she turns and walks out, no doubt leaving him baffled as to her strange behaviour.

When she gets into the corridor, she leans against the wall, a hand pressed to her chest, where her heart is racing.

"You're really alive," she whispers. "You're still here."

' _Yes. I'm still here. And now we need to work on getting me back into my body so that we can explore all these new possibilities we've discovered today.'_

"Yes. I will do everything in my power to restore you to your body," Tissaia promises.

Even if she has to give up her own body so that Yennefer might live in it, she will do it. She had told Yennefer's corpse that if she could change places with her, she would, and she means to stick to that promise.

' _Don't you dare think that way.'_

"I'm merely considering options, Yennefer," Tissaia assures her. "Don't fret. I do not plan to die if I don't have to."

' _Good. Because I don't want to end up stuck in your body._

"No?" Tissaia feigns hurt. "It's not to your liking?"

' _Oh, it's very much to my liking. But there are practicalities to consider. For instance, how would I reach anything on a high shelf?'_

Tissaia closes her eyes and smiles. "Insufferable."

' _And you would not have me any other way. You said as much earlier, so you cannot deny it now.'_

"No, I suppose not." She inhales and pushes herself up from the wall. "Right. We must go and convince Triss and Sabrina of this and see what can be done." She starts off along the corridor.

' _Thank you. For saving me again.'_

Tissaia nods, and tears prick at her eyes. "My darling girl, I would use the last ounce of my strength, and the last breath in my body, to save you. I hope you know that now."

' _I do. I hope you know I would do the same for you.'_

"I saw what you did for me on the battlefield, Yennefer," Tissaia says. "I am in no doubt."

Her chest fills with a soft warmth that diffuses into her limbs and she stops walking, allowing the feeling to envelop her and bring her comfort. It's not quite the same as an embrace, but it's close. She smiles.

' _That will have to do for now, until I have my arms back. And my hands.'_

For the first time in a very long time, Tissaia laughs.

Things might actually turn out well after all.


	2. Chapter 2

Tissaia looks at Triss and Sabrina, sitting uncomfortably across from her in front of her desk. Neither of them had cause to be called to her office very often while they were students, so they are ill at ease in the surroundings they most likely still associate with tales of people being reprimanded.

' _Oh no of course you never called them in here. Just me you liked to shout at regularly, was it?'_

Tissaia sighs and rolls her eyes, ignoring the comment. Having a conversation, even a mental one, with Yennefer now will only exacerbate the situation.

"Girls, I have something I need to tell you, and it's going to be quite difficult for you to accept, at first." She shakes her head. "I have barely come to terms with it myself."

Triss covers her mouth, her eyes instantly fill with tears. "You're dying?" she whispers. "I knew the dimeritium would do some damage, but I'd thought- I'd hoped-"

"Shhhh," Sabrina says, patting Triss' knee in that way she has which makes it seem like she read about emotions in a book, once. She frowns at Tissaia. "How long do you have left?"

"I'm not dying," Tissaia tells them, brusquely. "I'm actually faring much better than I thought I would." She inhales as deeply as she can and, while there is still some pain, it has definitely improved even over the past few hours. She lets her breath out.

' _I very much wish I was sitting where they are right now. I bet your tits looked spectacular when you did that.'_

A strangled noise comes from her throat and she turns it into a cough. Triss rises from her chair, presumably to come to her aid, but Tissaia holds up a hand and shakes her head. "I'm fine, Triss. Please sit."

' _Shit. I didn't mean you to choke to death!'_

With a worried glance at Sabrina, Triss sits back down.

"What is it you need to tell us?" Sabrina asks, once Tissaia's coughing has subsided. "You're frightening Triss."

' _Just tell them. Best to get it over with.'_

Tissaia presses her lips together, linking her hands on her desk and leaning forward. "This is going to sound...strange, to say the least. It will sound ridiculous, in fact, and you will think I've gone quite mad. But I ask that both you trust me and hear me out before you rush to judge the content." She lifts her eyebrows. "May I ask that of you?"

"Of course, Tissaia," Triss says, reaching over to cover both of Tissaia's hands with one of her own, squeezing. "What is it?"

' _Just fucking tell them.'_

"Yennefer is not dead." She hadn't been planning to blurt it out quite so plainly, but the menace in her head clearly had other ideas.

Despite having just said they wouldn't judge, she sees Sabrina sigh and glance at Triss, shaking her head ever so slightly. Triss' gentle grip on her hands tightens.

"Yes, Tissaia," Triss tells her. "She is. You saw her." Again her eyes fill with tears. "I wish with all my heart it wasn't true, but it is."

"You're injured," Sabrina says. "You woke from a day long sleep and didn't give yourself time to heal, barely time to think, before you were up and about." She sighs. "I know you loved her, Tissaia, but-"

"Don't talk about her in the past tense," Tissaia snaps, drawing her hands from beneath Triss'. "I have just told you that she is not dead. And yes, Sabrina-" Sabrina closes her mouth. "-I am aware I have just seen her dead body, but her spirit, or her consciousness...it persists. I can hear her voice in my head." She touches her chest. "She's inside of me."

' _What I wouldn't give to be inside of you.'_

"You see?" Tissaia's lips quirk. "She just made a crude joke about my phrasing."

"That doesn't mean you can hear her, it just means you know her," Sabrina points out.

"Shut the fuck up, Sabrina!" Tissaia covers her mouth, her eyes wide, her expression mirrored by the two women opposite. "Yennefer!"

' _Shit. I'm so sorry. It just came out!'_

"I am sorry, Sabrina," Tissaia says, closing her eyes. "That was involuntary, and Yennefer apologises as well."

' _I apologised for speaking through you without your permission, not for telling her to shut the fuck up.'_

"Tissaia," Triss begins, gently. "This is guilt. And grief." She swallows, shaking her head. "I know it may seem like you are hearing Yennefer speak to you, but that cannot be. You are manifesting her-"

"Do you not think I have been through this?" Tissaia asks. "Do you think I would simply accept this turn of events at face value?"

"Perhaps once the burials have taken place," Triss says, looking to Sabrina. "That might help. Perhaps we could bring those forward?"

' _Do not let them bury me, Tissaia!'_

Tissaia slaps her hand down on the desk. "There will be no burial until I have exhausted every avenue open to me to restore Yennefer to her body. Do you understand?"

Sighing, Sabrina sits forward, leaning across Tissaia's desk. "Do _you_ not understand how this sounds?" She shrugs. "How can we sit here, as your students, taught to question and challenge, and believe this?"

"No, you are quite right," Tissaia says. "You require proof, as I did." She nods. "I shall tell you something that only you and Yennefer would know, and then you must believe me."

' _Something only- Gods, Tissaia, we weren't that close! I can barely stand her even now. I don't- Oh, wait…'_

"That wouldn't work. You could read my thoughts," Sabrina counters. "You could pluck something out of my memories."

"My dear," Tissaia says, sadly. "I don't have sufficient access to my chaos to enter your mind undetected at the moment. It would be like a small Wyvern was plodding around in there."

"Sorry." Sabrina looks suitably chastened. She meets Tissaia's eyes. "Fine. Tell me something, then. Something Yennefer has told you that you would not otherwise know."

' _Ask her which page of_ Harpies - Daughters of the Gale _it was that had the etchings that used to get her all hot and bothered. I walked in on her once, pleasuring herself to-'_

"That's quite enough, Yennefer!" Tissaia says, closing her eyes. She sighs. "Is there nothing else you could come up with?"

' _Ask her! She'll know it's me, I assure you.'_

Tissaia clears her throat, and meets Sabrina's eyes. "Yennefer would like me to remind you of a book that you...took great pleasure in, when you were younger. _Harpies - Daughters of the Gale_?"

Sabrina immediately flushes a dark red and she stands, knocking her chair over and startling Triss. "How could you possibly-" She shakes her head. "You must have...she must have told you back then. You were always having those private little meetings in here. Was she whispering my secrets in your ear?"

' _Oh, for fuck's sake, Sabrina.'_

"Can you honestly imagine Yennefer in here, telling me about your mastubatory fantasies, Sabrina?" Tissaia says. "I sincerely wish I hadn't had to hear about them even _now_."

Triss is standing too, and moves closer to Sabrina, rubbing her arm. "Those etchings _are_ quite vivid and lifelike."

"I don't wish to discuss it," Sabrina hisses.

Triss sighs and looks over at Tissaia. "You've never met Geralt of Rivia, correct?"

"Yes, that's correct," Tissaia confirms, with a frown. "What of it?"

"What's the name of his horse?" Triss asks.

"What does-" she begins, but Yennefer answers.

' _Roach_. _His horse is called Roach.'_

"What a ridiculous name for a horse," Tissaia mutters, but addresses Triss. "Yennefer informs me he has named his horse Roach."

Triss nods. "Ask Yennefer the circumstances of our first meeting."

When Yennefer speaks this time, Tissaia can hear the warm affection colouring her words. ' _At a ball in Maribor. She was brand new in her role at court and I found her hidden behind a pillar when I needed to escape from a lecherous Duke. She resembled a startled doe.'_

"You met behind a pillar at a Maribor ball," Tissaia says, watching Triss' tentative smile grow a little, though her eyes are filled with tears.

"Ask her...ask her what she said to me that night, about how I might project confidence, even when I didn't feel it."

Nothing is forthcoming, and Tissaia tilts her head, wondering if Yennefer has forgotten the words that she imparted to Triss that night.

' _I haven't forgotten. I just-'_ There's a sigh, and it feels like it tickles the inside of her ears. ' _I told her that any time I wished to come across as more confident than I felt, I would- I would picture how you would hold yourself. And that would make me stand up straighter, and feel like I could take on anyone.'_

"Oh." Tissaia's cheeks grow warm. "I-she said...that you should-" She clears her throat. "You should picture me."

Triss lets go of Sabrina and hurries around the desk, grasping Tissaia's arms. "It _is_ you! You are in there!"

Tissaia smiles and nods. "She is."

' _Tell her that if anybody's going to be her new daddy, it's going to be me.'_

"I'm not saying that," Tissaia says. "I have no idea what it means, but I'm fairly certain it's insulting."

"What did she say?" Triss asks, tears streaming down her face. Even Sabrina looks mildly intrigued by this point. Triss' grip tightens on her arms. "Please? If she wants you to tell me something, please tell me."

Tissaia rolls her eyes. "She says that if anyone is to be your new ' _daddy'_ , it will be her."

With an ear-shattering squeal, Triss throws her arms around Tissaia and hugs her. "Oh, Yen, I thought you were gone," she whispers.

Letting go of Tissaia, she turns to Sabrina. "It really is her, Sabrina. There's no possible way Tissaia could have known those things. Yennefer is alive!"

Sabrina lifts her chin, moving around the desk to stand by Triss. Her eyes flit around Tissaia's body.

"Where is she?" she asks.

"She's not physically present," Tissaia says. "But she can speak to me and I hear it in my head. And, as you saw, she can speak _through_ me." She lifts her eyebrows. "Though she should ask permission first."

The words are barely out of her mouth when her right hand rises of its own accord and smacks Sabrina on the side of her head. Tissaia grasps the offending appendage to her chest, horrified. Sabrina cradles her ear and pouts.

"I assume you're going to tell me that she can also control parts of your body?" she asks, warily regarding Tissaia's hand.

"Yes," Tissaia grinds out. "And she should _definitely_ ask permission for that."

' _Tell her that was for stabbing me in the gut.'_

Tissaia's mouth drops open and she turns to Sabrina. "You _stabbed_ her?"

Eyes widening, Sabrina looks genuinely distraught. "Well, yes- but-"

"She wasn't herself," Triss says, taking hold of Sabrina's arm and rubbing gently. "She was under the influence of mind parasites."

' _I know she was, and I forgive her. But still, it fucking_ hurt _.'_

Tissaia reaches over and takes Sabrina's hand, squeezing gently. She smiles. "Yennefer forgives you, in her own inimitable way."

Though she tries to hide it, Tissaia can see the relief spread through Sabrina's body. It shows not only that she is happy to be forgiven, but that she does believe now that Yennefer is still with them. Sabrina nods.

"So, what do we need to do to restore Yen to her body?" she asks. She takes a step closer to Tissaia, still a little wary. "Are we speaking about-" She lowers her voice. "-necromancy?"

Triss gasps, but Tissaia is quick to close down this subject.

"No. Necromancy is reanimating corpses," she says. "Yennefer is very much alive and has simply been separated, temporarily, from her body. We must find a way to reunite them."

Triss shakes her head. "Where do we even start?" she asks. "What branch of magic would this even fall under, if not...the forbidden kind."

"I can hear her thoughts, and feel her emotions," Tissaia says. "So I would imagine that telempathy would be an obvious starting point. But before we delve into the volumes, we must move her body. I cannot risk- we cannot risk anything happening to her while we search for a solution."

Sabrina nods. "I'll go and get it and bring it up here."

' _I don't like her use of 'it'.'_

"Yes, bring her up here. Place her on my bed for now," Tissaia says, with a nod at Sabrina. "Triss, you go to the library and see what you can find and I will look in the personal collection in my study."

Sabrina calls up a portal and steps through it, letting it close behind her. Triss moves closer once more, her eyes boring into Tissaia's.

"I don't think you'll be able to see her, if that's what you're trying to do," Tissaia says, amused.

Triss blinks and looks down, smiling sheepishly. "Sorry. I was trying to communicate with her, but I assume that would require you to channel through your chaos."

' _Tell her I'm right here. She can just talk.'_

"She says that you can speak to her as you would me, and she will hear it," Tissaia says, saddened at the reminder of the loss of her magic. Once more, the warm brush of _something_ inside of her comforts and settles her.

"I- I just wanted to say again how happy I am that you are still with us, Yen," Triss says, looking directly into Tissaia's eyes. "And I'm glad you have somewhere safe to wait until we can get you back to your own body."

' _Me too.'_

Tissaia doesn't bother to fight the blush in her cheeks. "Yennefer echoes your sentiment, dear." She nods to the door. "Now go and find us a solution."

Triss nods and hurries out of the room. Tissaia has no doubt that once out the door, she will break into a run. She has many a memory of a tiny Triss scampering down corridors and earning a reprimand for it, only to immediately break into a run as soon as she thought Tissaia was out of earshot.

' _She was adorable when she was little.'_

Tissaia frowns as she sits back down at her desk, her body still tiring too quickly for her liking. "You can _see_ my memories?"

' _Only the ones you are thinking about at any given time. I can't delve into them at will. So don't worry, all the_ interesting _stuff is still locked away.'_

Naturally, because Yennefer is clearly referencing her sexual past, some very private memories come to the forefront of her mind, unbidden; flashes of past lovers.

' _Oh, shit. Tissaia- can you- I don't want to see this! Stop thinking about it!'_

"I am _trying_!" Tissaia tells her, clenching her eyes closed and attempting to force the memories away, which of course only brings out more because she's concentrating on them so much.

' _Please._ Please _stop. I don't want to see other people touching you like- Oh. Oh! I had no idea you were that flexible.'_

"Yennefer!" Tissaia scolds. She attempts to retrieve the most mundane, boring details from the last Chapter meeting she attended, forcing herself to remember the seating arrangement and counting round the attendees in her mind.

' _Do you often use images of Stregobor to stop yourself thinking sexy thoughts? It's certainly effective. I might use it myself in future.'_

Tissaia sighs, glad to have moved away from the previous topic. "You sound different. Quieter, somehow."

There's a pause. ' _I- I think that speaking through you, and using your limbs...I think it weakens me. Which is odd, because I have no body to tire out.'_

Stomach churning with dread, Tissaia swallows. "You have chaos, though. It must be what is keeping you here. And using it for those more energetic purposes depletes it faster."

' _Hmmm. I think you might be right.'_

Tissaia smiles, softly. "I'm fairly certain that's the first time you've ever said that to me."

' _Well, don't get used to it, Rectoress. When I am restored to my body, I plan to be just as argumentative and challenging as I always have been. Especially now I know you enjoy it so much.'_

"I'm not sure that's what I said," Tissaia says, with a frown. "I said I wouldn't change you."

' _Which is the same thing.'_

Rolling her eyes, Tissaia nods. "I suppose it is."

' _What about me? Since we know I can see your memories. What do you remember of me?'_

Again, just from the asking, Tissaia is flooded with memories of Yennefer as a youngster. Their first encounter in Vengerberg, when her stepfather sold her so readily. The silent carriage ride and return to Aretuza. Her heart speeds up when she remembers sensing a change in Yennefer's chaos, finding her in a pool of blood. How quickly she worked to stem the flow of blood, chanting every restoration spell and healing incantation she could think of. How she'd cradled Yennefer's head against her shoulder as she worked on her wrists, stitching them by hand.

' _You- you held me.'_

Tissaia clears her throat, blinking. "Yes."

' _You cared. Even then.'_

"I saved your life," Tissaia points out. "Was it not obvious that I cared?"

' _Not from your demeanour when I woke up, it wasn't. Fuck, Tissaia. You mocked me. Called me piglet. I fucking_ hated _that name.'_

"I know," Tissaia whispers. "I know you did." She closes her eyes, inhaling deeply. "I had to push you, Yennefer. I had to be sure that- that you could withstand whatever the world could throw at you. You were so soft and vulnerable-"

' _And it was your job to toughen me up?'_

"Something along those lines, yes." Tissaia sighs. "I do what I think is best for each of my girls. You responded to an adversarial relationship. If you thought I wouldn't want you doing something, you'd do it. If you thought I thought you couldn't do something, you'd make damn sure you learned how to do it. It made you-"

' _It made me hard. It did away with my fanciful notions of the world.'_

"No, Yennefer. It did not make you hard, or uncaring, or unfeeling or any of the words you may wish to apply to yourself." Tissaia shakes her head, her chin trembling. "As hard as I pushed you, I could never eliminate who you were. That girl with the kind heart, who cared for others far beyond any care she'd ever experienced herself, she's still there."

' _Pffft. I'm glad you think so.'_

"It's why you came back to Aretuza. Why you came to Sodden. Those aren't the actions of a selfish person, Yennefer. For all you'd like to believe that you are only looking out for your own interests, that is not the case."

' _No? I came to Aretuza because I was led to believe you'd asked for me. I followed you to Sodden because...because after all this time, I_ still _wanted you to pay attention to me, to love me. How is that not selfish?'_

Tissaia smiles and sighs. "And you had to go into battle, putting yourself at risk of death, to get my attention, did you?" She shakes her head again. "You've always been able to get my attention. You went into battle for something greater than that."

There's a moment where Tissaia can feel Yennefer's discontent, it's almost like she's fidgeting in her brain.

' _Well, if you're determined to think me noble, I suppose I shouldn't divest you of that belief. Not when I'm hoping to have the opportunity to woo you.'_

"To _woo_ me?" Tissaia laughs. "How gallant of you."

' _You'd prefer if I said I wanted to fuck you?'_ Tissaia's pulse thunders in her ears as her blood rushes south. ' _Because I do want that. But not just that. So wooing it is.'_

Finding herself without words, Tissaia stands up and moves to her bookshelves.

' _Did I make you uncomfortable?'_

There's something in Yennefer's voice that tells Tissaia she is in no way apologetic about this situation.

"No. I am an adult, Yennefer. I'm quite accustomed to speaking about sex."

' _I didn't mean that kind of uncomfortable.'_

Yennefer had felt her desire, then. Had known that she'd stood up to resist the temptation to squeeze her thighs together. She swallows and lifts her chin as she traces a finger along the leather spines, skimming the titles for anything of use.

"You're well aware that you did. And I think you're quite proud of that fact."

' _Being able to turn the great Tissaia De Vries on just by talking? Oh yes, I'm very proud of that.'_

"Insufferable," Tissaia mutters, pulling out a book from the stack.

A disturbance behind her makes her turn just in time to see Sabrina emerge through a portal, one hand maintaining the opening while the other guides Yennefer's levitating body through.

' _She was gone forever. I hope she wasn't doing anything weird to me.'_

"You took your time," Tissaia notes as Sabrina lets the portal close.

"There were people tending to the bodies," Sabrina explains. "I had to bide my time and then invent some excuse for them to leave. But if they return and find Yen missing, they will know it was me. I'm sure I was acting highly suspicious."

' _Her sacrifice is appreciated.'_

"Thank you, Sabrina. Truly." Tissaia sets the book down on her desk and opens the door to her bedroom, allowing Sabrina to move through and lower Yennefer's body to the bed. Tissaia stands at the foot of the bed as Sabrina arranges Yennefer's hands to rest on her abdomen.

' _Odd, isn't it? That is_ not _how I wanted to end up in your bed.'_

Ignoring her, Tissaia focuses on the empty shell lying in front of her. It's quite a different experience from earlier in the day when she was sure Yennefer was gone. The body then had been a representation of everything she'd lost, everything she'd been too frightened to say. And now it holds a promise of a future that she'd never dared hope for. Yennefer is still here, and Tissaia has the chance she thought was lost. If they can only figure out how to get her back in there.

Once again, the warm comfort that Yennefer somehow communicates to her washes over her and she closes her eyes, allowing herself to sink into it.

' _You'll find a way. I know you will.'_

"Your faith is very welcome, dear," Tissaia says.

"Pardon?" Sabrina looks over at her, then winces. "Sorry. I thought you were talking to me. I can't get used to the fact that she's...in you."

' _She's probably jealous.'_

Tissaia coughs to cover up the noise of surprise that comes out of her throat, waving away Sabrina's look of concern.

"Hello? Are you still in here?" Triss calls from the other room. "I've brought every book I could find that might be helpful."

"Go on," Tissaia nods to the door. "I'll come through in a moment to join you."

With a final glance at Yennefer's body, Sabrina complies, closing the door behind her as if sensing Tissaia's need for privacy. Tissaia sits on the edge of the bed, covering Yennefer's cold hands with one of her own.

"I'm going to do everything I can to fix this, Yennefer. I promise you that."

' _I know.'_

She refrains from focusing on the possibility of them not finding a solution, instead choosing to remain positive.

' _You could try a kiss.'_

"I beg your pardon?" Tissaia frowns. "A kiss?"

_'I've heard bards sing of princesses being woken from cursed slumber by a kiss from their true love. Generally some brave knight or other.'_

"I am no brave knight," Tissaia says.

' _And I am no princess. But it couldn't hurt, could it?'_

Tissaia sighs. She knows this is preposterous. The stuff of children's tales and romantic ballads. And yet, if there's even the slightest possibility that it might work, then she must try it. She shifts up the bed and leans down, pressing her lips to Yennefer's cold, unresponsive ones. She sits back up, holding her breath.

Nothing happens.

Even though she'd known as much, her heart still aches.

' _That...took my interest in voyeurism to new heights.'_

Tissaia scowls. "Did you suggest I kiss you in order to get some cheap thrill?"

' _No! Well...not entirely. And I'm almost fucking_ dead _Tissaia. I think I deserve my cheap thrills where I can get them!'_

Huffing a sigh, Tissaia stands, straightening out her dress. "Well. I suppose I can't argue with that."

' _I'm not used to you not arguing with me, and I'm not sure I like it.'_

Tissaia smiles as she heads to the door. "Hush, now. You should rest and conserve your energy. I fear we have a long night ahead of us."

' _Is that your polite way of telling me to shut the fuck up?'_

"Perhaps." She moves through to her office and finds Triss and Sabrina each poring over a book. Triss looks up from hers and smiles as Tissaia picks one from the pile now sitting on her desk and takes a seat.

"How is she?" Triss asks.

' _I've been better, Triss.'_

"Oh, as troublesome as ever." Tissaia offers Triss a soft smile in return. "I've asked her to rest for now. I don't want her using energy unnecessarily." Triss' smile falters at the acknowledgement that Yennefer's time with them is probably finite. "So let's find something to bring her back, shall we?"

Triss nods, and returns to her book. Sabrina glances up and gives them a tight smile before doing likewise. Tissaia sighs, allowing her own smile to fade as she takes in the number of books they have to trawl through, with no guarantee any of them will yield a return.

' _Hey, I believe in you. And you've got Sabrina to help you. She'll probably find the answer just so she can hold this over me for the rest of my fucking life.'_

Tissaia smiles at the encouragement. She opens her book and starts to scan its contents. They'll find something.

They have to.


	3. Chapter 3

They research long into the night, skimming through book after book, searching for something, anything, that sounds like it might be related to Yennefer's situation. Tissaia sits back in her chair to stretch her shoulders and looks across the desk at Triss and Sabrina. They are exhausted, but still they keep going. Under other circumstances, Tissaia would have insisted they stop for the night and start again after sleep. But they do not have the luxury of time.

She frowns, realising that it has been at least a couple of hours since she last heard Yennefer speak. Terror turns her insides cold and speeds her breathing up as she contemplates the possibility that Yennefer has simply slipped away and-

' _I'm still here.'_

Tissaia closes her eyes and covers her racing heart with a hand.

' _I was resting, as you told me to.'_

"Since when have you ever done as you were told?" Tissaia mumbles. The other two glance up, but have grown accustomed to the Rectoress having one-sided conversations by now. There's a worrying gap where normally there would have been a cheeky response.

' _I'm tired, Tissaia. I'm...I'm really fucking tired.'_

The fear returns, gripping her stomach and tugging. She stands abruptly, leaning on her desk for support and swallowing the bile that threatens to climb her throat. Sabrina and Triss look up at her and then at each other.

"Girls, I-" She inhales, shakily. "We must now redirect our efforts. We must look for a way for Yennefer to remain in my body, and for me to vacate it."

' _What?'_

Triss and Sabrina echo Yennefer's question, and talk over each other in an attempt to gain clarity.

"You want us to look for a way to kill you?"

"Tissaia we can't! We'll find something to get Yen back to her body. We just need to keep looking."

' _Yes, let them keep looking!'_

Tissaia shakes her head. "It's too risky to leave it any longer. Yennefer is tiring quickly now, and I fear she doesn't have much longer. I want you both to look for something that would allow her to live on in my bod-" She is yanked forward, her hand going out and slamming down onto the surface of her desk and her mouth is forming words before she can stop it. "Don't you fucking _dare_ start looking for anything of the sort!"

Triss shrinks back in her chair, but Sabrina lifts an eyebrow. "I don't think it's a good idea for you to be doing that now, Yennefer."

"And when have I given a single fuck about what you think I should be doing, Sabrina?" Tissaia hears herself say and presses her lips together, moving out from behind her desk. "I- I'll return directly," she tells them. "I have to speak with Yennefer, privately, and-"

"Go," Triss says, with a nod. "We'll keep looking."

With a small smile of gratitude, Tissaia heads to her bedchamber. Closing the door behind her, she turns only to be confronted with the sight of Yennefer's body on her bed. She turns away, squeezing her eyes closed and walking to the window. She rubs her arms and sighs.

"That little stunt cost you," Tissaia says, trying to keep her voice from wavering. "Your presence is...it's fading."

' _Yes.'_

The word slams into Tissaia's chest with such force she almost stumbles. "No." She shakes her head, putting her hands on the side of her head, over her ears, as if this will keep Yennefer inside. "No, this isn't right. Against all odds you have cheated death, you are _here_ still...and we have failed you. _I_ have failed you."

' _You have not failed me. None of this is your fault. I should be dead, but instead I got to spend a day learning about what you think of me and how you feel about me. If the last day has given us nothing more than that, then it has not been a waste. Do you hear me? Knowing that you love me, that you could love that twisted girl you found in a pigsty...that's everything.'_

"So, you get to die knowing you were loved. And what of me?" Tissaia asks, tears spilling over her eyelids. "Left here, without you. Knowing that I had you so close and I could not save you." She shakes her head, sinking to her knees on the stone floor. "I could not bear to live that way."

' _What will you do, then? Slit your wrists like some melodramatic child? No, Tissaia. You must live for both of us."_

"I've lived too long already," Tissaia says, her chest heavy with grief. "It should be me. It _must_ be me. You've barely started to live and I'm an old woman."

' _Come now, no more talk of you taking my place. I'd made my peace with death on the eve of Sodden. I'm ready.'_

She feels the soft caress inside her mind that she's come to recognise as Yennefer bringing her comfort and it causes another torrent of hot tears to spill down her cheeks. "But I'm not ready to lose you," she whispers. "Don't leave me, Yennefer. Not when we've only just-" She sobs. "You can't die, I forbid it."

' _Yes. Forbid me to die.'_ Yennefer laughs in her mind, but it's tinged with melancholy. ' _This is one occasion where I would gladly obey if I could.'_

"There's still time," Tissaia reasons. "They could find something at any moment. It's not over."

Something like a sigh washes through her. ' _Yes. Perhaps.'_

She wraps her arms around herself, trying to lend support, or solace, to Yennefer in any way she can.

' _I regret spending so much time running away from you.'_ The confession is quiet, but heartfelt. ' _I wish I'd stayed here instead of going to Aedirn. Or returned when you asked me to.'_

Tissaia nods. "I wish I'd shown you even a fraction of what I felt for you, and then you may have stayed. May have come back."

' _I wish I'd- I wish I'd been able to kiss you, even once. And hold you in my arms. And touch you.'_

"You still can," Tissaia says, her voice hoarse. "If you hold on. If you _stay_."

' _I am holding on. But it's hard, Tissaia. It's so hard, and I'm so tired.'_

"No," Tissaia moans, clutching at her own chest, trying to find something of Yennefer to grasp and keep with her. Her hand starts to move of its own accord, up to her face, cupping her own cheek. Her thumb strokes back and forth and she closes her eyes, letting her tears fall.

"You will weaken faster," she whispers, even as she leans into the caress.

' _If I'm to die, then I'd rather die knowing that I'd offered you some measure of comfort, no matter how small. And I may soon reach the point where I no longer have the energy to do this.'_

Tissaia turns and presses a kiss to her own palm, hoping that Yennefer can feel it. Her thumb presses against her lips and her heart seizes with Yennefer's longing.

' _I wish I could kiss you.'_ Her thumb swipes beneath her eye, catching a warm tear. ' _Before I- I wish I could touch you, just once.'_

"You are touching me," Tissaia breathes, as Yennefer guides her hand to her neck.

' _This isn't what I'm talking about.'_

The statement hangs between them in the silence only broken by the rapid beating of Tissaia's heart. If Yennefer will truly be gone forever soon, then how can she deny her this request? How can she deny either of them this final moment of connection?

"Then show me," Tissaia says, finally. "Show me how you want to touch me."

' _Are- are you sure?'_

"Yes." She nods, a sob lodged in her chest. "If this is to be the end of our time together, touch me, Yennefer."

Her hand shakes as it moves from her neck to her chest, splaying over the bare skin above the curved neckline of her dress. Her other hand moves to her abdomen, around to her hip and down to her thigh.

A bashful laugh. ' _I don't know where to begin.'_

Tissaia's throat throbs at the memory of those words passing between them before. Before everything went downhill and Yennefer hated her.

' _I never hated you.'_ Both of her hands move to her face, caressing her cheeks. ' _Never. Regardless of what I may have portrayed to the world, or to myself at times. In my heart, I knew the truth.'_

The tender words break the last vestige of control Tissaia has over her emotions and she begins to weep in earnest; huge wracking sobs making her frame convulse.

' _Shhhhh, Tissaia. Let's not spend this time in sadness, hmmm?'_

"I'm s-sorry," Tissaia manages to get out, between sobs. "I just-"

' _I know. We have both been foolish. We allowed our pride and stubborn natures to let our paths diverge. But we have this moment, we have now, and that is all we may ever have. So let us make it a good memory.'_

Sniffing as Yennefer uses her own thumbs to wipe beneath her eyes, Tissaia nods. "I'm sorry."

' _Don't be sorry. Just let me do this final thing for you, then I shall die a happy woman.'_

"Yennefer, please stop talking that way," Tissaia begs.

' _Shhhhh. Just let me-'_

Her hands move down her neck to her chest, flattening over her sternum before following the contours of her breasts, cupping them and squeezing. Even though the hands are her own, the intent is not, and that in itself is enough to send a spike of arousal through her, directly to her core.

' _Better than lightning, hmmm?'_

"Yes," Tissaia's whisper becomes a hiss as her thumbs press against straining nipples. One hands stays on her breast while the other travels down over her stomach and presses between her legs. She whimpers, hips shifting forward to gain friction through too many layers of fabric.

' _Help me out, Tissaia. Lift your skirts.'_

The hand on her breast is returned to her control and she gathers her skirts up over her thighs. Yennefer takes her other hand and slides it up her bare thigh, scratching lightly before pressing two fingers against damp underwear. Whether through natural ability, or the advantage of being in Tissaia's body, Yennefer appears to know exactly how she likes to be touched.

' _A bit of both, I think.'_

"Yennefer," Tissaia moans, straining against her own hand. "Please."

' _You're getting so good at using that word.'_

Tissaia gasps out a laugh. "Why does it not surprise me that even in intimate situations, you're insufferable?"

' _Because you know me well, Rect-'_

"Tissaia!"

The door bursts open behind her and Tissaia retracts her hand immediately, arranging her skirts over her thighs.

' _For_ fuck's _sake!'_

Yennefer's shriek resounds in her head as she stands and turns to face Triss, straightening her dress. If Triss notices anything out of the ordinary, she doesn't say anything. Her eyes are brighter than Tissaia's seen them since she woke up, and she's holding a small book. A journal, from the looks of it.

"You've found something?" Tissaia asks, holding her breath afterwards, not daring to hope too much.

"Yes!" Triss says, grinning wildly. She holds up the book. "Sabrina found a description of a condition that sounds almost identical to yours. Two souls sharing one body after one had died. It's very rare, it seems. This book references other, earlier events that sound very similar. Although no-one seems to have quite worked out how it happ-"

"Can it be reversed?" Tissaia interrupts.

"Yes." Triss beams. "The account has a potion and an incantation which should reunite Yen with her body. Sabrina's brewing the potion now. Come quickly!" She darts back through to Tissaia's study, leaving the door ajar for Tissaia to follow.

Tissaia puts a hand on her chest, pressing her lips together and closing her eyes. "Do you hear that?"

' _I heard. I fucking knew Sabrina would have to be the one to find the solution. I'll never hear the end of this. But if they manage it, I suppose I shall refrain from murdering them for interrupting us.'_

"You will absolutely refrain from murdering them, and you will thank them both profusely," Tissaia says. "But rest now, please. Don't use any more energy than you must."

' _That's not what you were saying a few minutes ago.'_

Tissaia's cheeks flush at the memory, but she lifts her chin. "Well, now you've had a taste of what awaits you if you just stay quiet and behave long enough for us to complete this."

' _Indeed. But-"_

Tissaia frowns. "But what?"

' _Tissaia. If- if this doesn't work, please know that I will always be with you. My spirit left my body and found you, and whatever comes after this...I will stay close to you in whatever form I end up. I swear it.'_

"Oh, Yennefer." Tissaia sniffs and nods her head. "When my own time comes, whenever that may be, I pray that our spirits will be reunited, somehow."

' _We will spend eternity together. Haunting Sabrina.'_

Tissaia laughs, wiping away her tears. "I love you, Yennefer. However this ends, please do not ever think otherwise."

' _I love you too. And if these two idiots can manage to bring me back, I'll do everything in my power to show you just how much.'_

"Then let's go and help them along, shall we?" Tissaia wipes her face a final time and steps through into her study.

Sabrina has cleared her desk and has an array of jars and bottles, along with mortar and pestle and various other accoutrements. She has a small pot over a flame and is adding ingredients to it, with her usual razor sharp precision. Triss is standing by, reading measurements out from the book she had referenced.

Tissaia links her hands at her waist and watches them. A surge of pride tightens her throat at their determination and willingness to help.

' _Let's leave the proud teacher thing until after it works, yes?'_

Tissaia rolls her eyes and steps closer to the desk. "Can I do anything to help?"

Sabrina glances up at her and shakes her head. "It's almost done. And I think we should use it as quickly as possible after it's finished so as to gain the maximum potency."

"Agreed." Tissaia nods. "I assume I need to be close to Yennefer's body?"

"It doesn't really specify," Triss says, skimming a couple of pages. "But proximity couldn't hurt."

"You both need to ingest the mixture," Sabrina says, stirring the pot and narrowing her eyes at whatever's in it. "So it would be preferable if you were close. Touching, if possible."

' _With pleasure.'_

"Yennefer!" Tissaia mutters, and Sabrina smiles for the first time since she entered the room.

"I can imagine what she said." She pours the concoction from the pot into two waiting drinking vessels.

Tissaia steps closer and lifts one of them, swirling the luminescent purple liquid around and sniffing it. "Ingest, you said. How are we to get enough of the liquid into Yennefer?"

"I want you to drink first, then once the process gets underway in you, I will pour as much as I can down Yennefer's throat. That is how it is described in the text." Sabrina takes the beaker from Tissaia and lifts the other. "I'm going to stand by the window to cool the liquid as much as I can." Her eyes flit away briefly. "So if you two have anything you'd like to say to each other, now would be the time to do it."

' _She really needs to work on that chilling delivery of hers. Not exactly brimming with confidence, is she?'_

"I shall step into my bedchamber and await you," Tissaia says. She squeezes Sabrina's shoulder as she passes. "Thank you, Sabrina."

She gets a slight nod in return as she heads through to the other room. Once the door is closed, she leans against it.

' _I think we've said all we need to say to one another, have we not?'_

"Yes," Tissaia agrees. "Because I won't say goodbye to you."

' _No. It's not goodbye. Regardless of when we next see each other, it's not goodbye."_

Pressing her lips together, Tissaia nods. "I hope it's sooner rather than later."

' _Me too. I want to feel the weight of you in my arms, feel the softness of your lips against mine, the-.'_

"I suggest you stop there," Tissaia says, acutely aware of what Yennefer's words are doing to her, and even more aware that Yennefer knows it too. "Sabrina is going to walk in any moment."

' _Fine. I suppose we can wait a little longer.'_

Tissaia hugs herself, closing her eyes, smiling when she feels that brush of comfort in her mind. She might miss that, a little.

' _Oh, don't worry, I will find other ways to provide comfort.'_

The door opens and Triss comes in, holding the door for Sabrina who is still holding the containers of potion. Tissaia lifts her chin and inhales through her nose. Sabrina sets the potion down by the bed and turns.

"Are you ready?" she asks.

' _Ask her if there are any risks to your safety.'_

"Yes," Tissaia nods, ignoring Yennefer's instruction. "I'm ready."

' _Ask her.'_

Tissaia moves over to the bed, but before she can sit, she is forcibly turned and finds herself speaking words her mind has not formulated.

"Is Tissaia at any risk?" she hears herself demand.

Sabrina sighs. "In all honesty, I don't know. The enchantment is designed to draw a spirit out of a body, so...I would say that there _has_ to be some risk that Tissaia's spirit could be drawn out at the same time yours is, Yen." She shrugs. "I- I've never done anything like this before, and the accounts are frustratingly vague in parts."

' _Then we aren't doing it.'_

Yennefer's voice is fragile now, distant and it is enough for Tissaia to make up her mind. She swiftly turns and lies on the bed, taking Yennefer's cold, unresponsive hand in her own. She knows Yennefer will fight her, and that it might use the little energy she has left, but she knows they cannot wait long enough for her to convince Yennefer that the risk is worth it. That Yennefer is worth any risk.

"Do it now, Sabrina."

' _No! Stop! Tissaia, you can't-'_

The resistance she feels is weak and growing weaker. But Triss has already started reciting an incantation in Elder. Sabrina hands over one half of the potion and Tissaia nods.

"I'll see you soon, Yennefer," she whispers.

One way or another, that is the truth of the matter. She tips her head back and drinks the liquid. It's still warm and she feels it moving down her throat. It's thick, like honey, leaving a slightly sweet taste in her mouth. She has no time to contemplate it as her body jerks, violently. She grips Yennefer's hand and closes her eyes. She can sense Sabrina at the other side of the bed and Triss is still chanting at its foot.

There's no doubt when the separation happens. There's a swirling sensation somewhere in her chest, and then a feeling of pulling, before a final yank. And if Tissaia thought the lack of her magic was noticeable, this is a void like she has never imagined. She is left gasping, clutching her chest where it feels like someone has taken hold of her heart and squeezed all the blood from it, leaving it dry and empty, its rhythm sluggish.

A cough sounds to the right of her, close to her ear, and the hand holding her own tightens. Blood rushes back to her heart and brings with it the familiar thrum of her chaos, released from its dimeritium prison. She turns and opens her eyes to find violet ones staring back at her. Yennefer blinks, twice, before her face softens into a smile.

"Hello," she croaks.

Heedless of the fact they are not alone, Tissaia scrambles closer and buries her face in Yennefer's neck, grabbing hold of whatever part of her she can. Yennefer's arms settle around her shoulders, pulling her closer, and she cannot hold back her tears any longer, sobbing into the rapidly warming skin beneath her nose.

After a long, reassuring moment, she lifts her head to look down at Yennefer through blurry eyes.

"You smell awful."

Yennefer laughs and pulls her close again, kissing the side of her head.

"I do apologise, Rectoress. My personal grooming has fallen by the wayside on account of me being dead."

Before she can scold Yennefer for joking about the situation, Triss jumps on the bed and hugs Yennefer from the other side, laughing and crying at the same time. "I'm so glad you're back."

"I'm so fucking relieved I didn't kill either of you," Sabrina blurts out, from behind Triss. She immediately looks contrite. "Sorry, I just...I was unsure what would happen."

Tissaia knows that uncertainty is a state Sabrina does not enjoy, so she gives her a warm smile and a nod.

"You did well, Sabrina. Thank you." She lifts a hand, letting lightning crackle around her fingertips. "The process appears to have given me back access to my chaos, as well."

"I wondered if it might have that effect," Sabrina admits. "The potion was recognisable as a very potent restorative, so I hoped it might also fix your other ailments."

"Wait." Yennefer frowns, slipping her hand into the tear in her dress. "The wound in my stomach...it's healed, completely."

Relief chases the crease from Sabrina's forehead. "Good. I'm glad."

"We must study its properties," Tissaia remarks, smiling as Triss loudly kisses Yennefer's cheek before getting off the bed and moving to stand by Sabrina, squeezing her arm. "Perhaps we can adapt it for healing purposes."

Triss smirks at Sabrina and lifts an eyebrow. "I definitely think you should read the journal entries. I think you'll find them most enlightening."

"Thank you." Yennefer looks between Triss and Sabrina, her hand returning to Tissaia's and squeezing. "Both of you. Thank you for believing Tissaia in the first place, when everything she was saying sounded preposterous. And thank you for working tirelessly to help us find a solution. I am forever in your debt."

Sabrina fidgets, her eyes drawn to the floor. She shrugs. "I think we are even, given that I likely contributed to your death in the first place."

"Happy as I'd be to hold it against you, I know it wasn't you, Sabrina," Yennefer says. "I know Fringilla caused it."

Sabrina shakes her head. "I should have been stronger. I should have realised what was happening and-"

"My dear," Tissaia interjects. "While your talents are many and varied, the ability to detect and remove a mind worm is beyond even you. They are insidious creatures, used by unscrupulous mages. Do not feel you have somehow failed."

"Thank you," Sabrina whispers, some of the tension leaving her shoulders. "Well, I think we shall leave you both in peace to-" She smirks. "-get reacquainted."

Tissaia flushes, but she is too happy to be truly embarrassed. "I think the first order of business will be a bath." She wrinkles her nose. "Yennefer desperately needs one."

Yennefer gasps, prodding her stomach as Sabrina and Triss leave, whispering and giggling as they go. "You don't smell like a garden of roses yourself."

Tissaia thinks about responding verbally, but just closes her eyes and pulls Yennefer close again, stench of death be damned. She concentrates on the wholeness of the body in her arms, the rise and fall of the chest against her own, the reassuring pulse against her nose. Yennefer's arms tighten around her again, a thumb strokes the back of her neck, beneath her dishevelled bun.

"Thank you," Yennefer murmurs against her forehead. "For not locking yourself in a room and waiting for madness to consume you as you planned to do."

Tissaia smiles and lifts her head. "Then the thanks must go to you, for being very convincing." She sobers. "I really did think that grief had driven me insane." She runs her knuckles over Yennefer's cheek. "The thought of losing you, of being the cause of your death-"

"Even if I had stayed dead, that wouldn't be the case," Yennefer protests. "I'm old enough to choose my own path, Tissaia. And I chose to follow you to Sodden. I chose to unleash my chaos on those soldiers." She tilts her head, an infuriatingly attractive smirk in place. "You know me well enough by now to be sure that I rarely do as I'm told, don't you?"

Sighing, Tissaia leans in and rests her forehead against Yennefer's, as they'd done on the battlefield. "We must agree to disagree on the apportion of blame, but-" She hurriedly continues before Yennefer can interrupt. "-for now, we can perhaps just focus on being grateful that we are here, and we are together."

"Fine," Yennefer says, her eyes closed. She bumps her nose gently against Tissaia's, and Tissaia responds to the gesture, as if she's been doing so all her life, moving in. A hand comes to press over her mouth and she opens her eyes in surprise, frowning.

Yennefer shakes her head. "My mouth tastes like there's been a dead bird in it for approximately three months." She smiles. "I would not inflict that on you. Certainly not for our first kiss." She lifts her eyebrows. "Well, our first kiss when I'm not a corpse."

"Yennefer!" Tissaia pushes the hand away. "I only kissed your-" It's still difficult for her to say the word. "-body, because you insisted!"

"Mmhmm," Yennefer says, tracing the cleft in Tissaia's chin with her finger. "You didn't take much persuasion."

"You are insufferable," Tissaia says, rolling away from Yennefer and getting to her feet. She straightens her dress out and links her hands at her waist. Lifting her eyebrows at Yennefer's reclined form she nods to the antechamber. "Well? Are you planning to bathe or not?"

Lips quirking, Yennefer stretches. "Desperate to get me naked, Rectoress?"

With a sigh, Tissaia smiles. "If that will get you moving, then yes."

"Oh," Yennefer draws the word out as she sits up, throwing her legs over the side of the bed. "Well, I shan't make you beg. Not yet, at least."

She gets to her feet slowly, testing that her legs will hold her. Tissaia moves to her side and links their arms. Yennefer smiles, but says nothing.

Tissaia steers Yennefer to an alcove off to the side of the bathroom door. She opens it and lets Yennefer look in, smiling at her gasp of surprise. She urges Yennefer through the door, closing her eyes as the warm, fragrant air washes over her. Yennefer bumps their shoulders together.

"This is _not_ what I expected when you talked about a bath," she says. "I was picturing one of those awful tin things we used to have to use."

"It is one of my few indulgences," Tissaia admits, taking in the luxurious room, with its marble bathing pool, soft candlelight and plump couches. "A place to escape to, if you will."

"Escape from idiotic girls?" Yennefer asks, stepping away from Tissaia to examine some of the bottles on a nearby shelf.

"And idiotic colleagues," Tissaia admits. She approaches Yennefer, who is still facing away from her, and lifts suddenly shaking hands to the hooks on the back of her dress. "May I?"

Yennefer looks over her shoulder with a soft smile. She nods. "Of course."

One by one, she unhooks the fastenings, revealing the clear, unmarred skin of Yennefer's back. When the dress is undone to the waist, Tissaia runs her fingers down Yennefer's spine, marvelling at Giltine's work. There's no hint of the malformation that once drove so much of the girl's anger. Tissaia sighs, letting her forehead rest between Yennefer's shoulderblades as her hands slip beneath the fabric to push it off. The dress is stiff with dried blood and mud, its many ropes scorched and singed. It falls to the floor with a heavy thud.

Tissaia's hands have come to rest on Yennefer's hips, over her undergarments. Though to call them that seems like an exaggeration, as they are miniscule. Thankfully Yennefer takes care of those herself, bending to push them off her long legs. Tissaia has to take a step back and look away to collect herself. She catches Yennefer smirking at her over her shoulder and she rolls her eyes.

"Go. Clean yourself." She nods towards a small cabinet. "Everything you need to freshen your mouth can be found in there."

"As you wish."

She busies herself with tidying away Yennefer's clothes so that she's not tempted to look at her while she's wandering around naked, only turning when she hears a splashing noise, followed by a hiss of pleasure. She watches as Yennefer walks deeper into the pool, sinking up to her shoulders with a moan, and then submerging herself completely. Her black hair fans out in the water, giving her the look of some terrifying goddess of vengeance one might read about in old tales meant to frighten children. Tissaia notes with satisfaction that the water remains clear even as the filth melts off Yennefer's body. The enchantments she had placed on it ensure it is kept clean and hot at all times. Yennefer pushes up from the water, letting out the breath she'd been holding.

"Oh, this feels _amazing_. I may never come out." She lets herself float on her back, and Tissaia can no longer avoid looking. She bites her lip when Yennefer turns and walks towards her, resting her forearms on the edge of the pool. She smiles up at Tissaia. "Aren't you joining me?"

Nothing on the Continent could sound more appealing than a hot bath with a very alive Yennefer at this moment in time, but she hesitates.

"I didn't like to presume-" She clears her throat. "That is to say, we haven't-"

"Tissaia," Yennefer interrupts, a fondness in her eyes that Tissaia could easily grow used to seeing. "We've been more intimate this last day than I've been with anyone in my life. I think, from here on in, anything we want to do is fair game."

Allowing herself a smile, Tissaia nods. "You are quite right." She moves over to her dressing table and takes off her pendant. Her shoes follow, and she's about to remove her dress when Yennefer calls out to her.

"Oh, no, no, no. Over here, please." Tissaia looks over her shoulder and finds Yennefer leaning her chin on her arms and grinning. "I'm not going to be deprived of this view now that I have eyes with which to see it once more."

Feeling emboldened by Yennefer's clear desire for her, Tissaia turns around and moves so that Yennefer has a clearer eyeline. She continues to undress, watching Yennefer's eyes grow darker as each piece of clothing is shed. When she is finally bare, standing as tall and proud as she can, Yennefer shakes her head.

"You're beautiful. You're so fucking beautiful." She holds out an arm and beckons Tissaia closer. "Come here, please. You're too far away." It's a sentiment Tissaia can relate to. They were as close as two people could be, previously, and now any distance, no matter how small, feels like a gaping chasm. Tissaia moves closer to the pool, and as soon as she's within Yennefer's reach, she grasps her ankle. Tissaia sits down on the pool's edge, her legs dangling in the water. Immediately Yennefer wraps an arm across her lap and pulls her close, resting her head on her thigh and pressing her face to her flesh. Her shoulders hitch and Tissaia realises she's crying.

"Yennefer?" She cups the back of her head. "Yennefer what is it? Are you in pain?"

"No. Quite the opposite." She takes in a shuddering breath. "Just...to be able to feel your skin against my own. I never thought what an absolute privilege it was to be able to touch someone. To touch _you_."

"Oh, my darling." Tissaia urges Yennefer to lift her head so that they are looking at one another. She smiles, tracing Yennefer's jawline with her fingertip. "If I had my way, I'd never be parted from you again."

"And who would dare prevent the great Tissaia from having her way?" Yennefer murmurs, sighing against Tissaia's hand. She tilts her head. "You do realise that I've been in here for a number of minutes and you have yet to kiss me." Her lower lip protrudes. "I don't even taste of dead crow anymore."

Tissaia wrinkles her nose. "How enticing." She slips the rest of the way into the water, before taking Yennefer's chin between her thumb and forefinger. Going up on her toes a little, she brings their lips together in a soft kiss. The sensation is akin to catching lightning for the first time without a bottle. Exhilarating, frightening and powerful.

And _right_.

A confirmation that their bodies were meant for this. Yennefer's arms go around her waist, drawing her closer until they are pressed together, belly to belly, breast to breast. Tissaia's own arms end up around Yennefer's neck. Their slick bodies slide together as they try to get closer, to gain purchase, to catch hold of the sensations.

After minutes that feel like seconds and hours at once, Yennefer pulls back and blinks at her, a slow smile curling her lips.

"Now that was worth dying and coming back to life for." She slides her hands down Tissaia's back, resting them on her hips briefly before pulling her close. Tissaia rests her chin on Yennefer's shoulder, tightening her arms around her. "Can we just hold each other like this forever?" Yennefer whispers.

Tissaia closes her eyes and presses her lips to the damp skin of Yennefer's neck, enjoying the closeness. "For a while, at least," she says.

"It's almost overwhelming," Yennefer murmurs, flattening her hand against Tissaia's back. "To be touching so much of you after not being able to touch anything. It's almost too much, and yet I want more."

"There will be plenty of time for _more_ ," Tissaia tells her, stroking a thumb over her ribcage. "For now, let's get you warm and clean and then you can rest."

Yennefer's muscles tighten under Tissaia's hands and she lifts her head, eyes open wide, panicked. " _We_ can rest. You're not going to leave me alone, are you?"

The mentor in her wants to scold such clinginess. But the woman in her feels exactly the same way after having Yennefer so close to her. "No, I'm not going to leave you alone." She kisses Yennefer again, feeling her body relax slowly. " _We_ will rest together." She assumes the need to be close will pass, so they may as well indulge it for now.

"I'm sorry," Yennefer whispers. "For being this way. I just-"

"I know," Tissaia assures her, with a squeeze to her middle. "I know. I feel it too."

"You do?" Yennefer frowns. "You feel like, if we were to be parted, your heart would be ripped from your chest and burst into flame?"

Wrinkling her nose, Tissaia smiles. "Perhaps not in such graphic detail, but yes." She nods. "The depth of my feelings is the same."

The smile that appears on Yennefer's face is almost heartbreaking to watch. It speaks of the girl who still expects to be rejected and vilified. The woman who assumes that no-one will love her. Tissaia pushes a wet ringlet of hair behind Yennefer's ear and cups her cheek.

"Oh Yennefer," she whispers, through an increasingly tight throat. "I came so close to losing you. And I-" She breaks off, shaking her head and Yennefer brings their lips together. The kiss bolsters her and reminds her that they are both here, and both alive. She draws it to an end, resting their foreheads together. They stay that way, soaking up reassurance from each other.

"Will you wash my hair for me?" Yennefer asks, her fingertips drifting up and down Tissaia's arm. "

Tissaia smiles at the simple request. "Of course."

She pushes Yennefer back towards the steps, and gets her to sit. She takes a seat behind her, one step up. Yennefer's hands curl around Tissaia's calves, squeezing gently. Tissaia grabs a sponge, using it to make sure all of Yennefer's hair is soaking wet. She picks up a bar of soap and works it to a lather before applying it to the inky black strands. She takes her time, massaging the soap into Yennefer's scalp, enjoying the noises of satisfaction she makes. Once she's happy that it's clean, again she uses the sponge to rinse the suds out until Yennefer's hair is wet and gleaming in the candlelight.

Rather than stop, Tissaia lathers the sponge up once more and runs it along Yennefer's shoulders, lifting her hair away to get the back of her neck. The soap runs down her back in haphazard patterns. Tissaia hesitates, just barely, and then continues to run the sponge around, over Yennefer's sternum. Yennefer leans back against her, resting her head in the crook of Tissaia's shoulder. Tissaia bites her lip as she moves the sponge lower, skirting around Yennefer's breasts to her belly. The movement of the muscles in Yennefer's cheek pressed tight against her own tells her she is smiling, so she continues down to the top of her thighs. When Yennefer's hips strain upwards, Tissaia moves away, back to her belly and up her sides, ignoring the huff of frustration.

"Might have known you'd be a tease," Yennefer murmurs.

Tissaia kisses her shoulder, her neck, rubbing her nose against warm damp skin. "I don't want the first time we are together, to involve wet, slippery surfaces and-" She covers Yennefer's lips with a finger when she feels her inhale. "Don't." Yennefer's shoulders sink as she lets out the breath and Tissaia removes her finger. "I don't want us to be hidden away beneath the water. I want to see you, and touch you, everywhere."

Yennefer sits up and turns around, kneeling to look at Tissaia, as if searching for some hint of dishonesty or hidden meaning in her words. Tissaia takes her hand and places it on her chest.

"You've seen what's in my heart, Yennefer. Don't doubt my words."

Eyes dipping to Tissaia's lips, Yennefer leans in and kisses her, soft and gentle. She pulls back and smiles, resting her hand on the back of Tissaia's neck, her thumb brushing the underside of her bun. "Tissaia, part of me will always be that girl who's afraid she'll never be loved. So, this-" She shakes her head. "It's a lot to take in."

"You say that as if you expect me to be adept at- at loving, and being loved," Tissaia says. "I have lived centuries, Yennefer, and find myself lacking any reference point for what I feel for you." She looks down at the surface of the water and shakes her head. "I'm learning too."

Yennefer's fingers gently lift her chin up so their eyes can meet. She smiles. "Then we shall be novices together, this time. And let's hope I'm not as shit at it as I was at everything else the last time I was here."

Tissaia laughs, releasing the tension that has built in her chest. "I'd say you don't have to worry about that." She sighs and leans in, pressing their lips together and marvelling once again at how right it feels. "You've been very good at it so far." She cups Yennefer's cheek. "I hope, soon, that you will forget you ever feared that no-one would love you."

A smile flickers over Yennefer's lips. "I hope so too." She sighs. "There was...someone once."

Gritting her teeth, Tissaia forces herself to nod. "That's alright, Yennefer. I don't expect you to have been chaste."

A laugh erupts from Yennefer's throat. "Chaste? Far from it." She lifts an eyebrow. "And going by the things I saw in your memories, the same goes for you."

Flushing, Tissaia rolls her eyes. "You were saying?"

Yennefer's smile disappears. "I thought he loved me. But it wasn't real. He had wished for my life to be linked to his, and it was granted by a djinn. It meant that, whenever I saw him, I was drawn to him." She shakes her head and presses a kiss to Tissaia's cheek. "And I thought...I _remember_ thinking ' _Is_ this _it? Is this what I've been waiting for all my life?'_ " She meets Tissaia's eyes. "It felt so...empty. And when I found out it was because of the djinn, I was relieved." She lifts Tissaia's hand to her mouth and kisses her knuckles. "Because I _knew_ then, that there must be more to love." She smiles. "And then Vilgefortz showed up and told me that you'd asked for me to return." She puts a hand on her own chest. "And the...the _feeling_ , the rush in my chest...it reminded me that I already knew what it was to love someone."

Tissaia nods. "And now you know what it is to be loved in return."

"A wondrous thing," Yennefer says.

She pushes further up on her knees and reaches up, pulling a pin from Tissaia's hair. A tendril falls loose, tickling Tissaia's ear. She watches Yennefer's face as she finds another pin, and then another and another. It's been many years since she wore her hair fully down in front of another. It is another of her indulgences; some would say there's little point of having such long hair only to hide it away every day, but Tissaia finds a calm within herself while brushing her hair. The ritual of constructing her bun sets her up for the day, building her persona along with the intricate knot. And now it has all come loose, cascading down her back and into the water. She looks up at Yennefer and finds her gazing in awe.

"I've been inside your mind, seen your thoughts. You're sitting as bare as the day you were born in front of me." She tilts her head. "So how is it that seeing you with your hair down feels like the most intimate we've been?"

Tissaia separates out a section of her hair, taking between in her fingers like a paintbrush. Gently, she runs the tip of it along Yennefer's collarbone. Yennefer's breath catches.

"Intimacy is a very personal thing," Tissaia murmurs, watching the progress of her hand as she paints invisible pictures over Yennefer's heart. "I'm sure you've seen people naked and felt no real intimacy?"

"Of- of course," Yennefer stutters. "More than I could count."

"Intimacy, true intimacy, doesn't come with sex, or nudity, but from trusting someone to see all of what we are, and find it in themselves to love us anyway," Tissaia meets Yennefer's eyes. "That's why it is so frightening."

"Letting your hair down is frightening?" Yennefer tilts her head, her brow creased. She threads her fingers into Tissaia's hair, scratching gently at her scalp. "I don't-"

"This is me, Yennefer," Tissaia says with a shrug. "This is me. Not the great Tissaia De Vries, Rectoress of Aretuza. Just a woman."

Yennefer's frown melts into understanding. She sighs and tightens her grip in Tissaia's hair, using it to pull their foreheads together. "And if that's all you were, that would be enough for me," she whispers. "More than enough." She presses their lips together. "Everything."

Tissaia nods. Yennefer takes her hand and urges her to stand, watching her face. She allows Yennefer to lead her to the deepest part of the pool. With a gentle hand on the small of her back, Yennefer smiles. "Float on your back for me."

With Yennefer's assistance, Tissaia allows her body to go loose, floating on the surface of the water. Yennefer's hand stays on her back, ensuring that she doesn't sink. And then they start to move slowly through the water. Tissaia inhales and closes her eyes as she feels her hair stream out behind her. Yennefer starts to rake her fingers through it, unsnarling knots and loosening tangles. Once more, Yennefer's hands are on her body, bringing her back to her feet. She keeps her eyes closed, but hears Yennefer move to the edge and then return. Her hands squelch around a bar of soap and then they are in Tissaia's hair, rubbing and massaging. She cannot remember ever letting anyone do this for her, but it feels divine and a moan of pleasure leaves her throat.

"Oh my," Yennefer murmurs from behind her. "I hope to hear many more sounds like that from you."

"Hush," Tissaia tells her. "I'm enjoying this."

"I'm merely trying to provide you with the running commentary you no doubt grew used to over this past day or so," Yennefer says, scratching at the base of Tissaia's skull.

"Hmmmm." Tissaia reaches up and catches one of Yennefer's hands, bringing it down and across her belly. "This is preferable."

"Agreed," Yennefer says, close to her ear. "But I'll need that hand back if you want your hair rinsed."

"Not necessarily." Tissaia keeps hold of Yennefer's hand and sinks below the surface of the water, getting rid of the lather in the process. She stands, and resurfaces, sweeping her hair back off her face and smiling at Yennefer. "There. Done."

Yennefer rolls her eyes, and lifts their joined hands, linking their fingers and holding them up to the light. "We're getting wrinkled."

"We should get out," Tissaia says with a nod. "And you should eat something." She frowns. "I can't remember when I last ate, either."

Leading her up the steps and out of the pool, Yennefer puts a hand on her own belly. "Yes, I could eat," she decides. "And I have plans for us later that involve using a lot of energy, so eating is a good idea."

Tissaia waves a hand and they are both dry and wearing silk dressing gowns. She smiles, looking at her hand. It's a relief for magic to come so easily after not being able to call upon it at all.

"I'm glad you got your magic back," Yennefer says, quietly. "I know how unbalanced it made you feel and I'm glad you don't have to feel like that anymore."

Tissaia looks up at her and smiles, she pulls her closer and rests her hands on her hips, aware that she's still unclothed beneath the thin silk. "I had lost _you_ , Yennefer. That's why I felt unbalanced. I barely noticed my magic was gone. And if it had been a choice between bringing you back, and regaining my magic, there would have been no question which one I would have chosen."

Pink settles along the tops of Yennefer's cheeks and she looks down. Tissaia can't help but lean in and kiss her blush.

"Would you have told me?" Yennefer whispers, looking up.

"Told you what?" Tissaia asks.

"About your feelings?" Yennefer tilts her head. "If I'd been found alive on the battlefield and healed in an infirmary, would you have told me you loved me?"

"I...I don't know," Tissaia confesses. She sighs. "I had never planned to burden you with...this."

"Burden me?" Yennefer's eyes go wide. "Why would you describe it so?"

"Because you had your own life, Yennefer," Tissaia says. "You had made it abundantly clear that you wanted to get as far away from Aretuza and its ways as possible. I...tried, once, to get you to return." She swallows. "I was weak, and selfish, and I thought if I had you near, that would be enough." Shaking her head, she forces herself to meet Yennefer's eyes. "You didn't want that, and I told myself I wouldn't ask again."

Yennefer nods. "I told myself for years I hated this place. But when you visited me in Rinde and asked me to return, I-" She presses her lips together. "I was flippant in my answer to you, but after you left and for a long time, I wished-" She rolls her eyes. "I wished I'd taken you up on the offer. It would have saved me a great deal of heartache." She lifts her eyebrows. "And you'll notice, the next time someone _hinted_ that you wanted me back at Aretuza, I returned immediately."

"Perhaps," Tissaia begins, bringing a hand to Yennefer's cheek and stroking it with her thumb. "Perhaps things happened as they needed to, to bring us together." She smiles, tentatively. "Perhaps if you'd returned with me from Rinde, I'd never have confessed my feelings, as you said. Perhaps we would have continued to clash at every opportunity."

"True," Yennefer says, pulling her closer, linking her hands at the base of Tissaia's spine. "While dying is a fairly extreme way to extract a love confession from someone, it does seem rather fitting for us."

Tissaia's lips quirk at the edges. "We do not choose the easy path, it's true." She takes Yennefer's face in both of her hands. "But please try not to die every time you want to have an important conversation."

Yennefer laughs, then, full and hearty and kisses Tissaia square on the mouth. Tissaia wraps her arms around her and kisses back, her hands sliding over the silk of the dressing gown as easily as their mouths slide together. It's only when Yennefer's stomach lets out an almighty growl that they part, laughing still. Yennefer frowns at her abdomen.

"Are we sure Sabrina didn't put a corgowrath in there for fun while she was saving me?"

"It definitely sounded like some form of terrifying ghoul," Tissaia agrees, rubbing Yennefer's belly. "Come, I'll arrange for food to be brought up."

They head out of the bathing room back into Tissaia's bedchamber. For a horrible moment, Tissaia sees a vision of Yennefer's dead body still on the bed and she closes her eyes, turning her face away from the apparition.

"I'll change the linens," Yennefer says, with a squeeze to her shoulder. "You go and arrange the food from your study, and I'll do what needs done here."

Tissaia inhales through her nose, forcing her eyes to open. She keeps them trained on Yennefer and tries to smile. "It's silly, I know, but-"

"It's not." Yennefer kisses the tip of her nose. "If I'd had to stare at your dead body for hours, I would have the whole room burned to the ground. Changing the sheets is nothing."

"Thank you," Tissaia whispers, moving closer to Yennefer and pressing her face against her shoulder, just to feel the reassuring warmth of her. With a final kiss, she does as she's bid and goes into her study. The desk and its surroundings are still in disarray from Triss and Sabrina's efforts, so she uses her magic to set everything back as it should be.

Once the room is habitable again, Tissaia summons a member of the kitchen staff and has a brief conversation about the food she'd like to be brought up. She has no idea what Yennefer likes, so she asks for a variety. If the girl thinks it strange that the Rectoress should be requesting a feast brought to her apartments in the middle of the night, she says nothing about it and scurries off to relay the order to the cooks.

Tissaia makes her way back to her bedroom, noting with satisfaction that the bed is now adorned with different blankets, and that Yennefer is lying on it, reading.

"I wasn't sure what to ask for so I-" Yennefer looks over at her, the shimmer of tears in the candlelight is unmistakable. "Yennefer? What's wrong?" She hurries to the bed and sits by Yennefer's hip. She lays a hand on her leg and squeezes gently. A quick glance at the book in Yennefer's hand tells her that it's the journal where Triss and Sabrina found the enchantment that saved Yennefer. "What is it, darling?"

"It's- it's just-" Yennefer sniffs and wipes at her nose with her sleeve. "No wonder Triss said we should read this." Yennefer turns a page, and Tissaia watches her face closely.

"What does it say?" Tissaia asks, settling more comfortably on the bed, stroking Yennefer's leg.

"It...what happened to us is really quite rare, it seems." Yennefer looks over at her. "It's...uh-"

"Read it to me," Tissaia says, gently.

Holding out an arm, Yennefer nods to the crook of her shoulder. "Come here."

Tissaia shifts on the bed so that she is lying beside Yennefer, stretched out against her side with her head resting on her shoulder. She lets her arm rest over Yennefer's waist and closes her eyes when Yennefer's free hand comes to rake through her hair, still loose and in waves. She feels a deep breath fill Yennefer's chest, and then she begins to read.

" _During the course of my research, I have found but two other instances of such an occurrence. The accounts of the events I have uncovered all speak to a deep connection between the individuals involved. It is as if their souls cannot bear to be parted-"_

Yennefer's voice catches and she turns her face to press her lips against Tissaia's forehead. Tissaia's own tears spill over and she tightens her arm around Yennefer, brushing her lips over her neck.

" _-even in death. The connection is to such a degree that when one soul leaves its earthly vessel, the other will grasp it and hold it close, protecting it, in the hope that its original vessel can be restored. Who knows how many such events have happened over time, without resolution? Who knows what happened to the soul left behind? It is for this reason I have recorded the accounts, and the remedy, in this journal. In the hope that future generations of mages can use it, and ensure that souls so entwined as my own and my love's are not rent asunder."_

Tissaia pushes up and kisses Yennefer, wiping away her tears and smiling against her mouth. Yennefer drops the book to the bed and rolls them until she is on top of Tissaia, looking down at her. Tissaia cups her face and draws her into a kiss, which Yennefer returns with fervour. Her hand slips beneath Tissaia's dressing gown, framing her hip and pulling her in. Tissaia gasps, but it is caught by Yennefer's lips. She tugs at the gown Yennefer is wearing, trying to push it aside. Yennefer releases her mouth and sits up, straddling Tissaia's waist, allowing the garment to fall from her shoulders while Tissaia's shaking fingers untie the belt.

Once it is undone, she looks up at Yennefer and her heart seizes. Yennefer's chest is rising and falling rapidly, her eyes darkened to indigo, her lips plump and wet from kissing. Tissaia's hands slide up her thighs to her waist and around to her back, trying to pull her back down, but Yennefer shakes her head.

"Not yet," she whispers, moving back so that she can untie Tissaia's belt. She runs her hands up Tissaia's sides, pushing the silk away and revealing Tissaia's body. The hands go under her back and Tissaia sits up, allowing the gown to slide down her arms, leaving her as naked as Yennefer, and then they are pressed together again. Tissaia's arms encircle Yennefer's waist and she presses her face into the valley between her breasts. Yennefer's hand cups the back of her head, encouraging. Tissaia turns and places a soft kiss by Yennefer's nipple, eliciting an almost pained whine.

"Shhhh, my darling," Tissaia soothes, turning to kiss Yennefer's other breast, smiling when Yennefer's hips move against her. She cups Yennefer's breasts, squeezing gently and running her thumbs over hardened nipples.

"Tissaia, for fuck's sake, you said you weren't a tease," Yennefer complains.

"I don't believe I did say that," Tissaia counters, but relents and takes a nipple into her mouth, her lips encircling it with soft warmth before taking it between her teeth and tugging. Yennefer reacts as if electrocuted, her body spasming in an attempt to get closer to Tissaia, resulting in them both falling back to the bed. Tissaia takes advantage of Yennefer's temporary paralysis to roll them over so that she can lavish attention on both of her breasts with lips and tongue and teeth, bringing forth the most delightful mewling noises Tissaia's ever heard.

Tissaia lifts her head and smiles. "You _do_ like pain, then?"

Yennefer all but growls, and hauls Tissaia up into another kiss, this one hot and fuelled by their growing need. Tissaia finds herself grinding down, looking for friction, and then she's on her back. The wild look in Yennefer's eyes makes her throb even harder and she presses her heels to the bed, pushing her hips up to meet Yennefer's in an attempt to get closer.

"I should warn you," Yennefer says, dropping her head to kiss Tissaia's neck, sucking hard enough to leave a mark that Tissaia can't be bothered to care about. "That if anyone much as _thinks_ of interrupting us at this point, I will incinerate them on the spot." Yennefer crashes their lips together for a brief, breathless kiss. "Is that agreeable to you?"

"Right now, I would regard it as an acceptable reaction," Tissaia says, panting, safe in the knowledge that the kitchen staff would never dare venture into her bedchamber uninvited, so Yennefer's threat will not be tested.

Nodding, Yennefer returns her attention to Tissaia's neck, moving slowly down to her chest. Tissaia wraps her leg around Yennefer's hip, pulling her in.

"It's _so_ much more fun to be on the outside for this," Yennefer says, dragging her flat tongue torturously over Tissaia's nipple. Tissaia tries to agree, but it just comes out as a wanton moan and she feels Yennefer smile against her skin. She tugs her up by the hair and kisses the smugness from her lips until they are both breathless and Tissaia is aching with need.

"Yennef-" Tissaia swallows as Yennefer's whole body seems to press into her. "Yennefer _please_."

Yennefer hums against her lips. "Seems I just can't say no to you when you say that word, Rectoress," she whispers. And then, _finally_ , Yennefer thrusts into her, filling her up and stretching her. She stills her hand as she hovers over Tissaia, her other arm supporting Tissaia's head. She grins down at her. "There, I'm back inside you."

"Insufferable," Tissaia murmurs, pulling Yennefer down into a kiss and lifting her hips to meet her hand.

"It seems you may have to suffer me for eternity," Yennefer says, starting to move in her again. Tissaia moans, as they find a rhythm easily, matching each other thrust for thrust, deeper and harder each time. "Since your soul refuses to be without mine." She brushes a kiss over Tissaia's lips, stilling in her and curling her fingers. "Do you think you can manage that?"

"Yes," Tissaia whispers, her nails digging into Yennefer's shoulders. "Forever. For longer, if that were possible."

Her words seem to drive Yennefer on and Tissaia can barely think as she climbs higher and closer to the edge. She rakes her nails down Yennefer's back, swallowing the whimper of pleasure she lets out, as they move together. Yennefer kisses her and it is messy and desperate and wonderful. Tissaia's mouth opens, but no sound comes out, and Yennefer's nose bumps against her own, as they breathe the same air. Tissaia's world shifts and tilts around her until she's not sure that she's even a person any longer.

It feels like nothing else.

It is as if her soul has left her body and is dancing with Yennefer's somewhere above their heads, swirling and dipping and laughing. She hears herself cry out, somewhere far away, and then Yennefer is kissing her once more, melding their bodies as closely as their souls.

Even in death, they cannot be parted.

They are one, and they always will be.

**Author's Note:**

> Any similarities to the Xena: Warrior Princess episode entitled 'The Quest' are probably not coincidental. 😉


End file.
